“Because nothing says ‘natural beauty’ like charcoal eyeliner made with a spoon and a dream.”
Just because you’ve renounced the grid doesn’t mean you’ve renounced looking mildly unhinged but radiant while milking a goat. Let’s break out your pantry, your compost pile, and your deep, misplaced confidence.
🌿 Rule #1: You’re Not Doing This for Anyone Else
There is no Instagram. No Sephora. No judgment—except from your chickens.
This is about ritual, fun, and possibly cosplaying as an elven forest witch.
Onward, beauty gremlin.
💋 Lips: Nature’s Lipstick Factory (Sort Of)
🍠 Beet Juice Tint (a classic)
- Grate or juice a beet
- Dab the juice directly onto lips with your fingers like you know what you’re doing
- Let dry
- Optional: mix with coconut oil for gloss, or beeswax for balm texture
Result: deep pink flush and the strong possibility of being mistaken for a vampire.
🍓 Berry Balm
- Mash fresh or dried raspberries/blackberries
- Mix with shea butter or coconut oil
- Filter out the seeds unless you want exfoliation you didn’t ask for
👁️ Eyes: Moody Forest Ranger Realness
🖤 DIY Eyeliner / Eyeshadow (aka: Burnt Things in Fancy Jars)
- Burn almonds or char wood to create fine charcoal powder
- Mix with a tiny bit of shea butter or aloe vera gel
- Apply with a brush, stick, or finger while squinting into a piece of reflective tin like it’s a compact
Caution: this is dramatic. You will look like a raccoon with a secret.
🤎 Earthy Eyeshadow
- Cocoa powder for a soft brown tint
- Green clay for an elven look
- Turmeric if you’re brave and cool with looking like a jaundiced glam icon
🍑 Cheeks: That “Faintly Dehydrated But Glowing” Look
🩸 Beet + Clay Blush
- Mix beet juice with kaolin or pink clay
- Smudge lightly on cheeks
- Smile like you’re not afraid of being judged by your own goats
🧈 Tinted Balm
- Melt 1 tsp beeswax + 2 tsp coconut oil
- Add a pinch of hibiscus powder or beet for color
- Pour into tin. Use forever or until squirrels steal it.
✨ Skin: Mud, Oils, and Deep Denial
🧼 Natural Primer? Just Use Oil.
- Jojoba, almond, or rosehip oil—thin layer before makeup
- Don’t use motor oil, no matter how off-grid you are
🧽 DIY Clay Foundation
- Mix white or green clay with arrowroot powder
- Add a smidge of cocoa powder for tone matching
- Optional: drop of oil for smoother texture
Will it match your exact skin tone? No. Will it make you feel like an ancient Roman emperor lost in a forest? Absolutely.
💫 Extras, Because You’re Ridiculous and Committed
🌟 Highlighter
- Mica powder if you’ve hoarded it
- Otherwise: tiny dab of oil on cheekbones, brow, and ego
👃 Scented Balms & Natural “Perfume”
- Mix oil + beeswax + crushed lavender, rosemary, or citrus peel
- Smear it on your neck
- Walk around like a witchy snack
🧼 Removal: Also Off-Grid
- Wipe with oil (olive or coconut) + soft cloth
- Rinse with warm water, or shame-tears if necessary
- Clay masks to detox when your beet tint gets a little…too committed
Final Face Philosophy
Off-grid makeup isn’t about perfection.
It’s about creativity, self-expression, and possibly looking fabulous while chopping wood.
Be dramatic. Be wild. Be a glowing beet-smeared dirt witch with confidence.
There are no rules. Just vibes and root vegetables.
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